Potty Training is Making Me Fat

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I have dreaded potty training (or potty learning, if you prefer) since, pretty much, the day the twins were born.  Here’s the thing.  I’m pretty sure PTing one child would be a gigantic pain.  That’s what I’ve heard anyway.  But two children?  At the same time?  And they aren’t even same gender.  AND, we only have one bathroom, inconveniently located on the second floor.  Yeah, yeah, I know, First World Problem, I should stop whining.  But still, I think the odds of this ever working are very slim.  Hey, are kids allowed in kindergarten if they still wear diapers?

I’m just not sure how to go about it.  Maybe I should have bought a book.  Instead, I sort of paid a little bit of attention to friends who have gone through this recently and picked out little things to try.

We actually started putting them on the big potty when they were 18 months old.  They never did anything besides read.  They actually learned the whole alphabet during potty time!  But pee?  No.  Poop?  No way.  Once, Eliza pooped by accident and the look on her face was priceless.  She was beyond mortified.  And it hasn’t happened since.

Our latest strategy is to keep a little jar of M&Ms on the shelf behind the toilet and if they pee they get an M&M.  We are on our second big bag of M&Ms, which sounds great except for one tiny detail.  Between the two of them, there have only been 4 pees on the potty.  Yeah, that’s 4 M&Ms between my two kids.  Guess who ate the other bag and a half M&Ms.  Uh.  Yeah.

I’ve been sneaking in there and grabbing handfuls!  It’s my favorite candy.  Yesterday, S was leaving to run an errand and he kissed me goodbye.  He was all, “You smell like an M&M.  Stop eating the kids candy.”  Caught!  Maybe I should have picked something I don’t like as much.  But to be completely honest, I’d probably eat whatever we picked, whether I like it or not.  I have such an enormous sweet tooth, I will eat anything sugary, ANYTHING.

UGH.

My only incentive to get them out of diapers is to free my house of M&Ms.  I need help.  I wish there was a service I could call to come in and at least get me started.  I’ve toyed with the idea of taking away the diapers and hoping they don’t like the feeling of wet pants enough to start letting me know when they have to go.  But I haven’t been able to psyche myself into dealing with that level of mess.  We also have the plastic potty seats but they treat those more like little chairs – sometimes they pull them in front of the tv and watch Dora from the comfort of their own personal potty seat.  Nice.

Okay, so I don’t even know the point of this except that I’m a little lost.  And I’m getting fat.  And I’m thinking about the M&Ms that are upstairs right now…

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