Isn’t it ironic? No really, it is.

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I remember getting my first period in the beginning of my 8th great year.  I was disgusted with it from day one and couldn’t believe I’d be dealing with it for a whole week out of every month for the next 40 years or so.  Imagine my delight the following month when that week came and went with no period.  In fact, I did not get my period again until sometime during the summer.  And it was just as horrifying as I remembered.  Ugh, here we go, I thought.  But again, months and months and months went by before it showed up again.

My mother said it was fine, that sometimes it takes a while to regulate.  I was not complaining.  But as I approached my mid-twenties, it was still the same.  Period.  Seven months of blissful nothing.  Period.  Seven more months.  Period.  And all this time, I was using birth control, having the same pregnancy scare freak-outs that everyone else was having, not realizing that not having a period meant that I was not going to get pregnant.  Not having a period meant I was not ovulating.  Or at least I was only ovulating every seven months or so.

So when it came time to try to get pregnant, it was challenging.  Most of it is in here somewhere so I won’t bore anyone with details.  I’ll just sum up – 3 years, Clomid, Injectables, ultrasounds, enough blood work to make me my arms look like a heroin addict, IUIs, 2 early losses, over $20,000, and then finally, a successful twin pregnancy.  Hooray!!  They were born a little more than four years after we first started TTC.  And every minute of that horrible 3 years was completely worth it.

And the one good thing about infertility is that I’ll never have to mess with birth control ever again.  Hahahahahahaha, WRONG!!

You may or may not have read that my twins turned one last month.  In the last year, I’ve had my period five times.  FIVE.  And that’s not even including my post-partum bleeding.  I got my first PPAF about seven months after they were born, so I thought my body was going back to the every-seven-months period program.  But the next month, I ovulated on CD22.  And the next month, on CD30 (leading to an accidental pregnancy, which turned out to be a chemical).  Last month, I ovulated on CD20, a personal best!  But all this ovulating is for nothing because as much as I’d like to have one more, we cannot try for another baby right now.  Our financial picture can only be described as craptastic, our family vehicle would not fit three car seats, I just got a new double stroller, not to mention the fact that I’m planning on starting school in June and I just couldn’t handle that plus one more baby.  And the icing on my financial shit-cake?  S and I just lost our health insurance.  So no babies for us.  I actually have to try to avoid pregnancy.  And it feels so totally wrong after spending so much time trying anything and everything trying to get pregnant.

So just to recap…When I want to get pregnant, my ovaries refuse to behave in a normal fashion.  Even with meds, they don’t want to ovulate.  But now that I don’t need them to work, they are just throwing eggs at me, which I can’t touch even though I really want to.  I am starting to think my body is just f*cking with me.

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