Monthly Archives: August 2010

one of my many mistakes


My daughter has a very hard time calming down and going to sleep.  She tries.  She closes her eyes and gets this look of total concentration on her face as she tries to create her perfect sleep environment.  She’s been doing it since she was an infant.

It started with the pacifier.  As much as she wanted it in her mouth, she was never able to keep it in there.  I’d put the paci in, she’d close her eyes and suck, the thing would pop right out, she’d scream, I’d replace it.  Repeat.  Repeat.  Repeat.  Repeat.  Repeat…

Eventually, I’d just sort of rest the rubber side against her lips and she’d make kind of a kissy face and suck that way until she fell asleep.  The paci would eventually fall away, but she was already asleep and didn’t notice.  She just kept sucking at the air.  Suck, suck, suck, just like a little fish.

Now, seven months later, she is able to keep the pacifier in, but she never really became all that reliant on it the way her brother did.  He’ll sleep with it in his mouth but she scooches up to whatever is closest to her – usually the crib rails or bumper screen – and suck.  If all else fails, she just puts her palm in front of her mouth and fishy kisses that until she falls asleep.

Lately, she’s had an awful time falling asleep on her own.  She’s been teething and pretty much got teeth 3 through 7 all within the last month.  I’m sure it can’t be pleasant having that many teeth coming in all at once, so I’ve tried to help her out with the sleeping thing as much as I can.  I think I’ve created a monster though…

Because I couldn’t stand her screaming her head off indefinitely, and also because it was starting to wake up her twin brother with whom she shares a room, I started taking her out of her crib when she screams and rocking her until she falls asleep.  She’s been doing her fishy kisses on my chin or neck.  It’s the sweetest little thing, and I admit, it’s been my favorite part of the day.

Unfortunately, since I started doing this, she’s gotten quite used to screaming until I pick her up and getting rocked to sleep.  Now she won’t fall asleep on her own no matter how long I let her cry.  She just gets more upset, screams louder and louder, and really, how long can I leave her screaming in there?  Gahhh!!  Now I have to put an end to the rocking and I have no idea how to do it.  If I let her scream, it will wake up her sleeping twin.  But if I rock her to sleep, who knows when she’ll be able to go to sleep on her own – I may be rocking her to sleep until she leaves for college…


ppaf #1


Just a little record-keeping in case I need to reference this date for whatever reason…I got my period today! It’s the first one since having the twins. This is also the first ‘natural’ af (no fertility drugs and no provera) in about three years. Here’s to hoping it won’t be too bad…

the things they say


Having twins unexpectedly elevated me to celebrity status in places like malls and grocery stores.   It’s getting a little better now that they’re older, but at first it was very difficult to get through my shopping list without a small crowd of people gathering around me every time I stopped to select a can of corn or whatever.  It was weird because twins seem to be pretty common these days.  But if people tend to ooh and ahh over newborn singletons, twins seem to get double the excitement.  Not that it bothered me – after spending so many years wanting to be a mother, I was quite pleased and proud to stroll around with my tiny babies and I gladly accepted the attention.  The only drawback was that I spent so much time talking that I rarely got through a shopping trip without one or both babies having a complete meltdown.  Then I’d be stuck with screeching babies, a cart full of groceries and a LOOOONG checkout line.  Interesting how the looks on the faces of our fellow shoppers changed when they were stuck in line behind my screaming twins.  The wistful look of envy from the woman who (*sigh*) ‘always wanted twins’ turned to a grimace of horror.  I could practically hear her thinking, ‘Get me the hell out of here.” HA!

So, I thought I’d devote this post to the most frequent comments/questions we’ve gotten during the million-and-two shopping trips we’ve taken.

1. ‘Do twins run in your family?’

Probably the most FAQ.  Now maybe it’s the overly sensitive infertile in me, but this question always made me nervous.  I used to say no, then panic and start babbling about hormonal imbalance, bum ovaries, fertility drugs, and (*gasp*) insemination.  Over time, I realized (from the looks of discomfort and confusion) that they were probably just being chatty when asking the question on the first place.  So I’ve adjusted my answer accordingly.  I say, ‘No, we just got lucky.’  Nice, neat, and TRUE. 🙂

2. ‘You really have your hands full, don’t you.’

Almost everyone says this.  Well, duh!  But I think every parent has their hands full – it comes with the job!  In fact, I would wonder about any parent of a newborn/infant/toddler who doesn’t feel like they have their hands full.  I guess there are probably some of them out there, but I’ve never come across any in real life.

3. ‘Are they identical?’

There are a shocking number of people who don’t know that identical twins have to be the same gender.  So now I say (jokingly), ‘No, one has a penis.’

4.  ‘You got it all done at once!/That’s great, you don’t have to have any more!/I guess you’re finished then…’

I find this baffling.  When people see I have boy/girl twins, their next comment is ALWAYS along those lines.  When I say that I’d love to have one more, people look at me like I’m nuts.  Some have actually commented that I’m nuts.  When has having one of each gender meant that parents couldn’t possibly want another child?  These comments make me feel guilty because I would LOVE to have one more baby.  No, I probably won’t have any more, but it’s not because I don’t want another.  It’s because I’ve had enough of fertility treatments for one life time and there is no chance of a surprise pregnancy for someone who doesn’t ovulate on her own.  So these comments make me mad and sad.  But I usually just smile and say, ‘Yes, we’re done.’

5.  ‘Did you have fertility treatments, or are they, you know, from God?’

Okay, this little gem was (thankfully) only asked once but it was memorable.  My answer at the time was to get redfaced and say some incoherent thing about taking some fertility drugs. What do I wish I said to her?  ‘Both, you rude old lady!!’

Of course they're from God 🙂

I’m baaack…


So things have changed a lot since I last posted.  I should probably check out my last post because I have no idea what was going on when I stopped writing…

Ahh, just looked.  My last entry was two sentences about having a dream that I liked.  How very (un)interesting.  I didn’t even bother to say what dream was about.  I guess it was probably one of ‘those dreams’. LOL

I did notice the date was May 30th of last year.  I’d just gone through another injectable/IUI cycle and I was pregnant, though only about 5 weeks along.  When I first saw the date, I thought it was odd that I didn’t mention it, since I know I knew about it by then.  It was one more week until I’d find out I was having twins.  Two weeks until I’d hear both of their beautiful heartbeats.  I love thinking back on it now.  But at the time I was so terrified of another loss and I didn’t enjoy the first few months of my pregnancy at all.  For the first 6 months or so, I refused to believe I’d actually be taking home any babies.  But despite my negativity, my refusal to purchase any baby things, my constant checking for bleeding, my insistence that I continue the progesterone suppositories beyond 12 weeks ‘just in case’, my countdown until viability (26 weeks)…

Despite all those things and more…my pregnancy was shockingly NORMAL.  Uneventful, even.  I worked as a bartender until I was 31 weeks and really couldn’t do it anymore.  My daughter was the lower of the two babies and she was breech.  While she was busy walking all over my bladder, my son spent most of his time curled up under my ribcage.  I had body parts sticking out and moving around all over my belly.  It was the most fascinating thing to feel and watch.  They got hiccups all the time, another strange sensation.
I fully expected to be giving birth by 36 weeks, right around New Year’s, but my twins were stubborn little buggers who were perfectly content in my GIANT belly until my scheduled c-section at 39 week.

My beautiful babies were born on January 18, 2010.  My daughter, Eliza Faith, weighed 7lbs, 11oz and was 21 inches.  My son, Jackson William, was 6lbs, 14oz and was also 21 inches.  Ummm, those are some BIG twins!!!  No wonder I was so uncomfortable!

So here I am, a little more than 7 months later.  I feel like I should have started writing sooner, but the first four months were kind of a blur and I’ve spent the last three months just catching my breath a little.  It’s been quite an adjustment but I can honestly say that I love my life!

So I think I’ll just make this a reintroduction and leave it at that for now…well, a reintroduction and some pics of my little monsters!

Just a few days old

3 months

Eliza – 6 months

Jack - 6 months

7 months