addiction

Standard

I have simply got to stop testing.

Yesterday’s HCG was 92.  I have my second beta tomorrow and I’m driving myself insane, analyzing lines and trying to decide if it’s better to have a darker, thinner line or a thick line that may be slightly lighter.  In my head, I know this is not an accurate way to measure how much HCG I’m producing.  I’ve been told countless times that all tests, even tests that are the exact same brand, vary in the amount of dye they have.   That’s not even to mention the changes in pee concentration throughout the day.   So I’ve been sitting here all day, comparing tests from the last few days, getting more and more frustrated because today’s test does not look twice as dark as the one from two days ago.  It’s thicker, but about the same color.  The control line looks a little lighter–is that a good thing???

I think I’ve gone off the deep end with all of this…

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