Monthly Archives: November 2008

Another one bites the dust

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I am officially losing my second pregnancy in a row.  My third beta came back at 78, down from 100.  This is not a surprise because I didn’t get a normal (or even close to normal) rise between 15 and 17dpo.

Not sure where to go from here.

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addiction

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I have simply got to stop testing.

Yesterday’s HCG was 92.  I have my second beta tomorrow and I’m driving myself insane, analyzing lines and trying to decide if it’s better to have a darker, thinner line or a thick line that may be slightly lighter.  In my head, I know this is not an accurate way to measure how much HCG I’m producing.  I’ve been told countless times that all tests, even tests that are the exact same brand, vary in the amount of dye they have.   That’s not even to mention the changes in pee concentration throughout the day.   So I’ve been sitting here all day, comparing tests from the last few days, getting more and more frustrated because today’s test does not look twice as dark as the one from two days ago.  It’s thicker, but about the same color.  The control line looks a little lighter–is that a good thing???

I think I’ve gone off the deep end with all of this…

starting to feel like deja vu

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I’m pregnant again.  And worried again.  I am 14dpo today and had an episode of bright red spotting two days ago.  It lasted most of Friday night, which just occurred to me is the same day of the week the bleeding started during my last m/c.  It wasn’t exactly like last time though…the blood wasn’t like period blood, which for me is usually a darker red.  This was more orangy-red and thin.   And it was not heavy like last time.

Saturday I worked a double and kept running to the bathroom to check but there was not a drop of blood.  I had some pretty painful cramping last night around 2:30 am, which actually entered the dream I was having and woke me up.  It was the kind of cramping that normally accompanies heavy bleeding, but when I went to the bathroom, nada.  I don’t know what that was about but I haven’t had any bleeding or spotting so far today either.

I don’t have a beta scheduled until tomorrow morning but I have continued testing at home which has yielded mixed results.  The tests don’t seem to be darkening a whole lot but they’re not getting lighter either.   I really wish there was a way to look into the future and see how this one is going to turn out.  I suppose all I can do is wait and try to relax.

All this testing and obsessing has been going on since the middle of last week.  I have my pile of tests (there are now eight of them) hidden on a shelf behind some paperwork.  I really want to tell my husband but I’m afraid of having to disappoint him again.  Not that he’d be upset with me, I just don’t want to put him through the heartache again if something happens.  I suppose I will have to tell him eventually though…

overstimulated.

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I had an u/s this morning and it showed four mature follicles.  Four mature and like 10 immature.  The doctor pretty much told me if I don’t cancel the cycle, I will most certainly get the worst case of OHSS that I’ve had to date.  He didn’t suggest I cancel, just told me that my E2 was pretty high (750 two days ago and probably close to 2000 today) and it was more than likely that I’ll get OHSS.  In addition to that, I couldn’t even wait until after today’s blood work came back to make a decision.

So I just went for it and triggered this afternoon.  How could I not?  I’ve already spent close to $2000 on this cycle.