Betas mean NOTHING

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My betas were awesome. I had five draws and the doubling time was under 2 days for all but the last. That one was on Friday morning and it was 2.24 days–it went from 3600 to 9036. That was supposed to be my last beta. From there I was given an appointment for an u/s. Late Friday night…well actually very early Saturday morning, the bleeding started. WTF?

I went in for an u/s Saturday morning at 9:30, instead of waiting for my scheduled appointment on Monday evening. The found a gestational sac (smaller than it should have been, though they didn’t tell me that at the time) and a yolk sac. They couldn’t find a fetal pole, but they told me it was early for that. Again, not true. The nurse told me later that with my numbers, not only should there have been a fetal pole, but they should have been able to detect a heartbeat. But as of Saturday morning, the only information I had was that I seemed to be doing fine. They put me on progesterone suppositories as a precaution.

The bleeding had turned to brown spotting, which was almost gone by Sunday. Sunday night before bed, I had a brief episode of red bleeding that seemed to go away pretty quickly. Monday was more brown spotting.

At my u/s on Monday night, they could no longer find a gest. sac and said I probably bled into it, killing whatever was inside. They took blood and sent me home. They told me I am going to miscarry. Now I’m just waiting for the big show. The pain, the blood, the clots, the tissue.

And all this after fantastic betas. I am angry. I am devastated. I am back to being infertile. I cry and cry. How can I do this again? The innocence is gone. I’m sure this experience will take all the joy out of a future pregnancy, leaving me only with worry and fear.

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